Friends are a wonderful Commodity.

It was with much vigilance that I was digging and clawing my way out of the “box.” It was as if someone had given me a cheap, tiny pocketknife that I was using in the attempt to make an escape from my oak prison. As I was trying to rediscover who I was, what I believed, thought and felt, I was overcome with the feeling of complete and utter emptiness. It was extreme darkness. Going through this revolution, one begins to examine and question all aspects of life. Some are tangible. Some are conceptual, but all so very important. Would this awakening, though difficult, be   worth the massive pain I was in?

I found myself dwelling on friendship.  Throughout my life, I have had a few really good friends.  One couple even moved here not long after we did.  My husband didn’t really have a need or desire for friends.  Every time I mentioned having them over or going out to dinner with them, reasons why we couldn’t became prevalent. The same thing happened with neighbors and other acquaintances. He didn’t embrace the idea of me going to be with friends so therefore I watched all my relationships begin to slip away.  It got to the point that the highlight of our weekends was going to Costco. Totally not me!  I went along with all of this because he was the “head of the house” and he was my husband.  But was this way of thinking healthy for me or for my marriage? Can you be married and still have “confidants”? And is it all right to have friends that are just yours?

I had to find the answers.  I decided since I had already been pondering lost dreams and desires, I would enroll in Bartending School. That shocked people; I didn’t fit the “bartending” roll.  My dad was a pastor in a small town in Maine. Bartending was not an art that was acceptable for a pastor’s daughter. Some people in my life couldn’t understand why I would “want to learn how to mix a drink”. I didn’t care. I was on a mission. I was going to gain knowledge, do something I had always wanted to do,  meet people, enjoy the different walks of life and who knows maybe a friendship would develop.   It was a wonderful experience. I had a goal and it was accomplished.  I met a gay guy, Tom and a great lady, Sally who spends a lot of time in pool halls. Despite the extreme differences, a wonderful relationship developed between the three of us.  It’s the kind of friendship that even though we might not see or talk with each other for periods of time, we are just a phone call away and we know it. I wouldn’t trade them for anything. 

After I graduated from Bartending School, we continued to hang out from time to time.  My husband made it perfectly clear that he was not interested in getting to know Tom and Sally.  He did not approve.

My choice to enroll in Bartending School and my newfound friends put an already tense relationship in more rough waters.   My need to escape the box and find out who I was, and the passion to become the person I was destined to be could cost me everything.  I had a choice to make.

I chose not to give up Tom and Sally.  They taught me what friendship was about.  We didn’t have to be perfect.  We didn’t have to agree on everything.  We accepted each other for who we were and relished the precious times together.  Since that time, a few other people have come into my life that I will treasure forever, that will always be there for me and I for them.

I have learned so much about life and acceptance.  It’s about friendship, one of the most wonderful commodities available to all of us.